Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i think my cat just said my name.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
