I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
