just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
