but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
