I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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