How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize