Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
