He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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