wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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