I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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