i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
