so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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