There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
