it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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