He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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