He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
