is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
