We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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