Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
