Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
