remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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