Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize