Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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