why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
