nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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