guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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