i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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