no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
