The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
