I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
