sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
