Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
