I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
