Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize