What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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