well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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