I wish my penis had an off switch
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dignity is for republicans.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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