I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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