I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
