It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
