I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
