I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
