Ambien. No doubt about it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
