Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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