Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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