I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
