just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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