do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
