I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
