imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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