Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
