im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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