why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
