Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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