just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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