: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
