my being single is dangerous.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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