covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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