He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize