I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
