And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
