I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
