This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
