I'm really into asian looking animals
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
